When Fantasies are Betrayed

She woke up at 8 A.M. sharp.

That was pretty early for a girl who was known to sleep like a log straight into the afternoons. She was used to sleeping late at night ergo; she barely had caught any sleep. Yet she wasn’t lazy or sleepy or even irritated as she normally would be on waking up so early. Today she was excited; nervously excited. She hummed to herself tunelessly as she brushed her teeth- she brushed with extra care today, eyeing each tooth in the mirror and making sure her brush reached even the areas deep inside. Finally, a good 8 minutes later [5 minutes more than her usual], she washed her mouth.

But, she wasn’t finished yet. She skimmed through the shelves and found what she was looking for. She uncorked the brand new bottle of mouth wash. [She had it for days but was always too lazy or short on time to use it.] She washed her mouth twice with it [once is generally more than enough] she replaced it in its place and showered, still humming away to herself and dancing as the warm water poured on her. She used extra shampoo, extra body wash and extra conditioner - double of everything. She came out of the bathroom half an hour later, dancing into her room. She blow dried her hair; individually drying a handful. She had tried drying each strand actually. But she realized it would take her about a year plus that it was quite impossible. Happiness and excitement can sometimes addle your brains.

Her first date with the guy she was madly in love with for 5 whole years elevated her mood to a degree that it never reached before. Once she was done with her hair, she wore her clothes; dark blue slim fit jeans and a red tee-shirt. The girl who usually yelled at everyone and no one when she couldn’t find her things, called out for her roommate in her sweetest voice. Her roomy bustled into her room to stare at her normally irritated roommate as she asked her in the same sweet tone, “Babe, I can’t find my ear rings. Can you help me look for them?” and choked out, “What.. What is the matter with you?!” The girl just giggled’ planted a kiss on her flabbergasted friend’s cheek and whispered, “I’m going on a date. With Justin.”

Her roommate’s eyes widened in shock as she heard the name. “Justin?! Justin!! Justin Stevens??? That guy you have been head over heels in love with forever?? He asked you out? Oh, my God! I can’t believe this!” She sat on her bed, wiping her forehead as the girl insanely giggled away.

“Now will you please help me find them?”, she asked her friend. “Yes, yes. Sure.” The latter said and looked around for the jewellery, mumbling away, trying to work out how this impossible event happened. “Aha! Here they are!” Jenny said after two minutes, triumphant, holding out a pair of beautiful red ear rings and Jessica slumped onto the bean bag, watching Jenny scamper around happily.

She had never seen her so happy before. She couldn’t help smiling as she saw her. It was such a great feeling to see someone you loved so cheerful. A good 45 minutes later, Jenny was ready. And there was only one word to describe her. Beautiful - breathtakingly beautiful. Even though she wore only a casual pair of jeans and a tee, she looked amazing. Well a natural beauty she was. So that was obvious, thought Jessica. Her beautiful long hair left open, a tad of mascara and a dash of lip gloss- that was all the makeup she ever used- enhanced her beauty and just completed her look.  She wore her sandals and sat on the bed, careful not to move too much for the fear of messing her hair as she so often did. She sat there waiting for his text to ask her to come down stairs as they had agreed he would. It was eleven. He should be here any time. It was a lunch date. She was already hungry. She hadn’t even had breakfast in her excitement. 

After a while, she looked at her watch. Eleven fifteen. No text yet. Eleven thirty. Nothing. He said he’d be on time.. “Guys. Never on time.” pitched in Jessica, sipping her coffee. Yeah, Jenny thought and waited for another half hour. At twelve, she got anxious and texted him. “Where are you? How much longer?” No reply. She called his cell. No answer.

Panic struck in and after a while she was hyperventilating. Where was he?! Two hours and he was still not here! She called at his place. His roommate had answered and told her he was out. She asked him if he told him where he was going. His roommate said no but casually added that he might be out with Angela- his rumoured girl friend. Jenny ended the call and stared at her phone. He had asked her out and he took Angela instead? The very thought shot an electric current in her spine. “Are you sure he was going to come babe?” Jessica asked, “Because it seems like he isn’t. Even the most unpunctual guy would be here by now.”

Jenny looked up at her. She found it too hard to believe that Justin had asked her out. But.. Justin doing this to her.. Justin.. Betraying her.. The guy she loved for so long.. The guy she spent nights dreaming of betrayed her in the last minute. Even though her heart found it impossible to believe it, her eyes did. And, they poured out. Tears of agony. Tears of betrayal. Tears of pain. How could he do this to her? Break his promise? So he had fixed a date with me but was out with that B* who was supposedly her girl friend all along. That thought sent another lightening fast current seeping into her whole body and she chucked the glass of water she was holding onto the wall. It broke into thousand pieces. She slid down onto the floor, with all kinds of depressing thoughts overwhelming her.. Why? Why did he do this to her? She was much better off admiring him from a distance. At least she wasn’t in pain when she dreamt about him.. Her mascara flowed away with the tears and she sat there on the floor, her brain and body refusing to co-ordinate.

It was 5 P.M. when she received a call. Jessica, who had been sitting next to her trying to soothe her answered it as Jenny was oblivious to everything at the moment. The call ended in less than a minute. Jessica turned to look at Jenny who looked up. “Was it him?” she asked in a barely audible, strained voice. Saying his name aloud felt like torture to her. Jessica shook her head. “It was his roommate. Justin.. Met with an accident.. While coming here to pick you up. He was admitted in the hospital.. He passed away half an hour ago..”

Jenny was betrayed indeed. But not by Justin. She was betrayed by life. . .

A Girl

A girl is like a gorgeous flower

that spreads fragrance every hour.

She's delicate and sensitive;

in a cocoon of emotions she lives.

She's a fairy on earth,

a precious gift right from birth.

As a child she spreads warmth and cheer,

babbling away, wanting everyone to hear.

She transforms into a beauty,

but sincerely performs her duty.

Duly, she gets married;

away from her loved ones she's carried.

She adapts to the new place quickly,

taking in everything quietly, meekly.

She gives up on her life, caring for others.

She feels too, about that, barely anyone bothers.

Yet, she doesn't complain or whine.

Of a happy family, she's the spine

She takes all the anger, all the trouble.

But never lets her strength wobble.

Next to God she's placed,

for with the power of giving birth, she's blessed.

A girl is an angel in disguise,

She's the other name of sacrifice..

A Friend

No boundaries,

no walls.

No fake feelings,

none emotions false.

No secrets hidden,

no puzzles, no lies

Zilch sugar coated words;

Simply truth shining in his eyes.

Who'd never leave you alone,

Who'd never give in,

Yell at him you may,

Or give him a beating.

Who'd badger you endless

Until you shared.

who'd trade anything

to make you feel cared.

To keep your head high,

his, he'd bend.

And your pain he'd take as his own.

He, is a true friend.

The Bond of Love

I walk in the rain with my eyes fixed on the pavement. Each step I take makes water splash onto my already wet face. I barely notice it. My mind is plagued just like the kitchen sink back home that's currently being fixed. I wish there was something that could fix my mind too; that'd let thoughts enter and memories leave me like they used to.

 I can't think straight. Hell, I can't think at all.

My mind, body and senses are stuck at the same thing ever since you left me. That goodbye; that painful goodbye. You were leaving me. Leaving me alone. Leaving me and going away to a completely new place to make brand new friends. You'll find many, I know. But for me you were the only one - my only friend; my best friend. When you called me over, I thought we were going to have the best time ever. I didn't fathom that you were waiting for my arrival to inform me about your departure.

 "My family is shifting, Alice. We're moving to Texas.” You said in a low voice.

 You were barely moving your lips but I heard each and every word clearly like you were yelling at the top of your voice. I froze on the spot as I started having gooseflesh all over me. Family.. Shifting.. Moving.. Texas.. The words formed a sinister fence around me and my head started spinning too fast. For a moment, I went blank and when my vision came back, everything was a blur. I didn't realize it was due to my tears until they reached my lips and I tasted the cupric droplets. I blinked, trying to fight my tears to see your beautiful face. But my vision went blank again. My mind got hazy and my legs were still rooted to the spot. When my blurred vision returned, I saw your outline once again, standing there with your head hanging limp. I wanted to walk towards you in quick strides, hold you and to shake you. To make you confess that you're kidding. That it's all a joke. A part of me even wanted to slap you for playing such senseless pranks on me. But my legs were nailed to the floor. It felt like the walls were engulfing me, the darkness advancing on me at lightening fast speed from all sides to swallow me. . .

Something pricks my eyes. No, it isn't the dirty rain water. It’s something else. Something with a copper-like taste. My tears have broken free again. This time I do not try stopping them. They need an outlet. I let them pour out and drain my eyes. I can barely see anything in the rain either way and on the plus side, once I reach home mom won't have to know that I have been crying. No one can differentiate between my tears and the rain. Well, no one except you..

I choke as I think of your name and your images take over my mind completely. That; in a mere nanosecond. I shake my head vigorously trying to brush away the images, the thoughts and those memories.. those.. breath taking memories. I choke on my breath again and the lump in my throat tightens; it hurts. But this hurt I can take. The hurt I am being put through on the insides, I can't. Just as I near my place, I trip on something. A stone submerged in the rain. I feel sharp pain shoot through my foot into my whole body like electric current as I fall face first with a loud splash on to the clogged up road. As I get up, I realize I cut my toe and maybe sprained my hand. It hurt insanely and I can barely move my hand as I get back on my feet. I swear under my breath.

Yet, even this pain I can take. But not -- I stop dead, rooted on the spot, staring at the entrance of my house. I see your blurred outline standing on the second step to the right, clutching the grill with your left hand and staring back at me. But- But this can't happen! I had just bid you good bye and was returning home from the airport!

 "Move it girl! He's gone!” I yelled at myself between gasps that pierced my throat. The fall had surely addled my brains. I was seeing you everywhere now. Great. I could see how my days would be from now on. I’d be hallucinating and may be talking to those non-existent yous all life. Damn. I shake my head yet again, this time trying to see clearly or to the least, trying not to see things that are impossible.

I hang my head and start walking towards my house, expecting to walk straight into your image as I can still see it. More blurry but yes, there. But- I collide with something solid. Rock solid. Collide so hard that I'm almost thrown backwards. I brace myself for a second, this time brutal fall but the next thing I know, two hands throw themselves tightly around my waist and press me against the thing I banged into.

Then I realize it wasn't an illusion at all. It was you. It really was you! It IS you! My heart melts like butter on a hot pan as you shift my weight to one hand and bring the other forward. You wipe my cheek with your forefinger. You wipe not the rain drop. You wipe what only you can see.

You wipe my tear.


[Submitted as an entry in TYX's competition]

Somewhere in that Lane. . .

Somewhere in that lane,

Lives my childhood friend.

We’ve lost touch over the years

For we’ve our own lives to tend.

As I pass her lane quietly,

Happy memories flood in,

I want to visit her

But lack of time holds me in.

I carry on to my workplace

 mentally deciding to give her call.

But I get bewitched by life again

And eventually forget it all.

On a Sunday, cosy on the couch,

I skim through my friends’ list.

I stop at her phone number

But arrogance entraps me in a cyst.

She can call too,

I stonily mumble.

She has my number

AND my address, I grumble.

One fine day news reaches me,

“Your childhood friend lives no more.”

Of her chronic illness I learn

And the shock shakes my very core.

My stony heart now cries for her,

My cheeks burn with self hate.

When I could, I didn’t care

And now it’s too late.

Somewhere in that lane,

Lived my childhood friend.
Now I lay in remorseful darkness
with my ego to amend.

. . . Being a Child

I wanna rewind to the time

when "song" meant nursery rhyme.

when "hurt" was only a bruise on the knee,

When promises were meant to be.

When the only annoying thing was your brother.

When the safest abode was in the arms of your mother.

When the only fear was upsetting dad.

When skipping a meal was the only thing bad.

When "hate" was an unknown word,

when "music" was the singing of a bird.

When darkness was the only scare,

when your best friend was your teddy bear.

when jumping on the couch was the only thing wild...

. . . I wanna go back to being a child..

The Strength of Passion and Determination

“Here we have Aadarsh – a teenager being ignored by his fool of a freelance Indian employer who refuses to pay him. What can he do except fume in front of his friends and fuss about it? Is this it? Is this what is left of the Great India? We are corrupted from within and we blame the foreigners for calling us uncivilized and corrupted. Well, aren’t we? Aren’t we?! We are, definitely. We have greed and selfishness running through us. No, we won’t change ourselves for better either. All we can do is point at other countries and crib about how we are demeaned by them. This is also why we fail to progress. Our image is in dirt worldwide. Who is to be held responsible? US.”  With Cameraperson Vikas Singh, this is Alisha signing off with a huge sigh of disgust.

She finished her speech and beamed at her audience – her friends – Vikas, Aadarsh, and Nidhi all of whom were settled in her lime green and bright bedroom. There was silence for a solid 20 seconds.

“I am sorry. Why aren’t you a journalist again?” asked Aadarsh; who was lazying on the bean bag. “And hey, I am not fussing. I am cursing.” And he indeed cursed out loud.

“Because I was a loser when it was the time to decide and was too chicken to voice my dream. AND HEY! Don’t curse!!” She replied with contempt and slumped on the couch beside Vikas who was still eyeing her with awe. “Oh, look away Vikas. I feel shitty enough for not doing what I always wanted to.”

He looked away, shaking his head. “Sheer waste of talent this is.”

Aadarsh nodded but said, “But if you went on and on so brutally like this and linked everything that is happening to us to ‘corrupted India’, you’d be thrown outta the country!” Vikas and Nidhi laughed while Alisha made a face.

“Truth this is. I am just voicing it.”

“That is the thing. You don’t speak the truth Sweetie. It is taboo in India.”

She laughed now. “We are probably the worst Indians ever, dissing our own country like this.”

“Hey, better us than the super-powers!”

“Oh, yeah.” Vikas chimed in. He had a thing against foreigners for reasons only he knew. “Crap, they are.”

“But hey, this is not the end of my dream, right?” Alisha cut in and reverse geared to the topic about her choosing science over journalism.

“It isn’t?” asked Nidhi. “There is a lot of competition in journalism and I doubt they will take a fresher with no degree in the course.”

“I know there is a lot of competition. But my life isn’t over yet. What if I did take Science? Can’t I pursue it after Science?”

“And waste 3 more years? Are you crazy?” asked Vikas incredulously.

“No Vikas, you are crazy.” Answered Alisha. “You are the craziest guy I ever happened to meet. Know why? You knew what you wanted to do even when you had the choice and yet, you chose to do Engineering for a reason I still fail to comprehend. You had it in your hands Vikas and you blew it away. I am much better off than you are.”

Vikas quietened down, stung by her words; stung because they were true. He had indeed known what he wanted to do and yet, he gave it up for some silly, useless reason. Alisha was at least better off trying to do what she wanted to after realizing her dream.

“We have loads of opportunities and hey, if I am good enough I’ll get there even without a degree in Journalism.”

Aadarsh admired her for her determination and smiled at her. Nidhi and Vikas chose to keep quiet for the fear of being told off brutally by her. She had a very strong point and was very tenacious when it came to her dreams. Along with that, she had the talent to reach where she wanted to. Those tied up together made up an unbreakable combo. The three knew it and thus, did not say anything further.

-          A year later   –

“Good Morning Hyderabad! Here’s Alisha promising you a fresh start with your favorite songs on your favorite radio channel! . . .”

Vikas smiled at his RJ friend’s voice. Indeed, you could get there if you wanted to. Alisha was a successful radio jockey with offers for journalism coming to her from the local English news channels. She indeed got there. She indeed pursued her dream – without a degree, without anybody’s faith in her; with only her talent, her zeal and her determination to get there.